Day 6. July 3rd....push the reset button

As the title reveals I goofed up, slipped, caved, was weak, I am an addict, you name it, I drank alcohol the night before last. Yesterday I was hung over, thankfully I made it through some of my meetings but not all. The drinking really affects my mind my physical self my mental self.

Today was a better day but I’m playing catch-up today at work for my screwed up unproductive day yesterday. This is a vicious cycle with me....I am the queen of procrastination.... oh it’s just one drink, I’ll just have a few drinks, I’ll drink another bottle, and so the story goes.

I am very disappointed in myself and I am really beating myself up today. I know what I want, I know who I want to be, I envision it every day. I just cannot seem to action on it and make it happen. I am hoping that this self talk, this blog, and this recording will somehow change me. Change my lifestyle.

I weighed my self before the drink day and was at 257.2. If I had stuck with it that would have been a weight loss from 260.2 to 257.2 = 3 pounds. But nope today I weigh 258.8 and my body is also swelling from the alcohol, lack of movement, and the heat.

FUCK!!!! Please Patty you have to get off this roller coaster. You cannot continue this cycle. It is the true definition of insanity. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. That word defines me.

I am due to go to Austin Texas in three weeks and that doesn’t give me a helluva lot of time to try to feel better about myself, less conscious about how I look. I honestly am scared to go. I feel like I will be judged on my appearance instead of on my work. So technically tomorrow will be day one again....

Tomorrow is also the Fourth of July.  I’ll be spending it at my daughters home with my granddaughters and my son-in-law and the food will be abundant but I’m going to try my damnedest to move my body and eat as healthy as I can. That’s the plan anyway. I actually think that I can stick with it.

I got this. I can do this. Go team Patty!!